Dating in america vs. dating in other countries
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I can say that I finally grasped the reasons that are responsible for making American dating culture so complex and so radically different from between much dating in any other country. The New York Times. Dating violence is a type of intimate partner violence. Australia Australians basically know no rules when it comes to dating. Most Koreans tend to regard dating as a precursor to marriage. Because people of two north religions or people of the same sex cannot get married in Israel, people in these situations oftentimes have to go overseas to get married since Israel does recognize overseas marriages. You guys should know. She was not a beautiful woman, but she seemed extremely sexy to me for some ring.
One of the recurring themes on this blog besides travel is American dating. My dilemma was that I could never rationally understand why dating is so confusing and complicated in America. Lots of explanations are given by lots of people, but none of them truly explain the whole story. There was something more to it. On my recent trip to New York, I had some free time and decided to use it go out to bars and meet women. I had absolutely zero expectations. I wanted to put American dating under the microscope and study it like a scientist who studies microorganisms in his science lab. So, I forced myself to forget everything that I thought I knew about American women and dating in order to learn and relearn everything from the ground up. I can say that I finally grasped the reasons that are responsible for making American dating culture so complex and so radically different from pretty much dating in any other country. And these reasons have less to do with American women specifically than with American culture as a whole. People are constantly discussing pretty much everything under the sun. As a result of this information overload, most women you meet in America have already formed various opinions on a wide range of issues. And that opens the door for more and more discussions. It was our second date. I knew that she liked me. We were sitting across from each other, drinking beers and openly discussing various sexual topics. She took the discussion seriously as though it was some kind of college debate. The girl was strongly into the discussion, so I had to keep chugging along, listening to her viewpoints and, in exchange, share with her my own opinions. It felt completely unnatural to drop the discussion and transition into emotional flirting. Again, I expected her to get a little uncomfortable, but, to my surprise, she boldly began sharing her opinions on this subject as thought she had discussed exactly this topic countless times before. I simply had no other choice but to convert my series of irrational emotions that are typically employed during flirting into a rational politically correct discussion. Flirting should be automatic In pretty much all countries around the world is automatic. Flirting is sensual, emotional and imaginative. So, why keep it politically correct and continue discussing the pros and cons of some mundane topic? After mutual interest is established, the next step is to immediately move onto more interesting and physical things. Trying to get through the wall One of the reasons why you never cross this invisible wall that separates a rational discussion and irrational flirting is because of insecurity. Genuine flirting is emotional. It requires a certain level of confidence and self-esteem. You have no problems sharing those opinions with others. This reminded me of a time when I went out with a friend in New York few years ago. My friend is tall, confident and has absolutely no problems with women. He immediately approached two girls sitting at a bar. We also discussed how many sexual partners we had and similar topics. The women were more than prepared for such topics of discussion. They were battle hardened. It was as exciting as watching the Senate debate an appropriations bill. We all took turns contributing to the debate by adding our own thoughts and opinions. Talking about strong sexual topics in a discussion format is just too crass. Politically correct discussions about sexual topics destroy all shreds of any potential sexual chemistry. Incidentally, I met my friend at the bar after I had just returned from Colombia, where I routinely had the time of my life going out and shamelessly flirting with very sexy and flirtatious women. To say that I felt like an alien who landed on another planet in that New York bar would be a huge understatement. The whole dating thing: building attraction, following up, seeing her again, etc. American culture is about slaving really hard, making money—and commoditizing everything else that gets in the way. People are constantly on the go and barely have enough time to even send quick messages to each other. No one has time for an in-depth face-to-face conversation anymore. Dating is a commodity. This greatly affects the dating dynamic for two main reasons. And since there are thousands of other restaurants you can be super picky. That explains why one of my good friends is having such a rough time navigating the dating scene in San Francisco—an ultraliberal city with super independent women. For a while, he was going out with a 33-year-old woman. Then he began going out with a 37-year-old Americanized. But such thinking just reinforces your prejudices. Being a capable man with a decent job should be enough—unless, of course, you live in a society where people never ever plan to settle down and going on dates becomes nothing more than a routine hobby with zero expectations. Where else in the world can a 37-year-old woman be this carefree and picky? Freedom and independence Now, I understand that a woman wants her freedom and independence. I understand that she wants to pursue her career and build her own professional life. I get all that. She would show up on the date, have a few drinks, exchange a few flirts. She might invite the guy back to her place. Or she might not. This is radically different in cultures that are structured around building strong human relationships. The woman actually wants to be in a stable relationship. The woman wants to have a man by her side. Dating was serious business. The culture was less about quick dates and short flings and more about building something more substantial. Naturally, in such cultures, the girl and guy would put more effort into the relationship. When you commoditize dating, you inevitably force both parties to adapt very low expectations when meeting new people. People become mere commodities. Frustrating and pointless by design All of this makes American dating nothing more than a circus. Yes, you have a perfectly working phone. It no longer means the same thing as it did fifty, twenty or even ten years ago. For dating to actually start to mean something substantial, the entire American culture must change, and that means our whole society along with our entire political and economic systems must be altered in some radical ways. American dating is a frustrating exercise in futility. Join The Maverick Insider's Club. It's the best community of its kind on the Internet. This is excellent work. Sexual tension used to be far far more pervasive in the west, but ultimately it was deemed bad for a mixed-sex working environment, political environment, etc.. Thank you for this post. This is something I have been struggling with for a while. I also feel it is the exact same way here in Australia. And then there are dating apps like tinder which multiply this effect 10 fold. Many of the dates I have been having lately seem to be falling into this trap. Endless conversation inevitably leaving you with this hollow emotionless feeling by the time it comes to an end. I know I want more. Shit, it is so true. Your topic, and this other topic completely settled the score for me: For that who asked, American women in other countries fare not as good. In Mexico they do very well because Mexicans are just as needy and share many cultural traits with Americans, Mexican women are also hard to get assets and like to wait until marriage to have sex so American girls are seen as fast sex, but of course they get super ego boost from the same attention they get in the States. As much flak as American women get in the manosphere and in dating, we seem to overlook the structural and cultural problems in America which created all this. Evening in Canada, this is becoming a problem. I live in Vancouver, a city known for fickleness and very picky women. Part of the problem has to do with an over-abundance of options. Like the poster above said, guys are quick to blame American women for all problems of the world. But is that the right approach? What about digging deep and discovering what made the women this way? I am from Toronto and it is even a lot worse here as other have also mentioned. Canadian women are a lot more difficult -over masculine and a big victim chip. What I see however is that especially Canadian men — and likely American men have been so pussified by feminism and gay culture — they are filled with inner contradictions and lack any congruence. They are afraid to be masculine and assertive. Latest stats show that over 55% of men between 20 — 35 years of age are not married — and over 60% of men from 36- 55 are single. The trend is only increasing. The future looks bleak. Traditional women are marriage is now pretty well finished with. A new paradigm must emerge and it is men who must create it. Slowly it is happening as more men groups are becoming more vocal and active. Women have changed their inner paradigm as the culture and economy allowed it — but the same culture put the burden on men — and so far has oppressed men from also changing. A new man must emerge with a new paradigm — that allowed the same economic and cultural freedom that women have had. Men must find that inner congruence and balance without women. As an aside, rational debate does seem to help some couples. It helped Jon and I, for example. But there are differences between the debate that bonded us and the debate that your American dates engaged in. The first main difference I detect is the intimacy of our discussions: we were at home, on the phone to each other, or sat next-to each other, or exchanging emails, not in a restaurant or an open forum. The other is the topics. You mention clinically clean, politically correct topics. Sometimes it was serious and cold, sometimes it was light, jokey and fun, but we would gladly realign our perspectives with new information and tackle controversial and heated topics. So at least you have more data to work with. Vancouver has a large presence of international students populated in the city centre. They all came to enroll in English language schools. Obviously, these are the kids of wealthy families back in their respective Latin American countries. All the patrinchas, the fresas, rich Colombianas. They need their freedom, independence, career, and male attention. Its sad to see. Sad to see them at their sexual prime gone to waste. Obviously, there are exceptions. Though they usually have their man back home or came with their fiances. Its sad to see how deeply Western dating culture has penetrated South American and European societies particularly the rich. Insecure people NEVER give you the benefit of the doubt and make their decisions on incomplete facts. I just had a busy day at work. Insecurity is a serious character flaw, so she was really doing me a favor, but there are a lot of people like that. In other words, why would you want to marry? IMO people marry for any of these 3 reasons: 1. Puritanism and social pressure like the USA 2. Fear of ending up alone 3. Example, I get on average 1 date per week just on the Conversation Exchange site alone, 50% of the time is girls who contact me. But the question is, when would you ever find a woman like that in the USA? How could you even get dates so easily? Plus the beauty of Czech and Slavic girls is ethereal. They are not comfortable with who they are as people from my experiences at least. If you ask them a question as to why they like or dislike something, they will usually give you a very superficial answer. If you compare a 23 year old college grad in America versus 23 year old from Asia or Eastern Europe, the conversation with the Asian or Eastern European woman would likely be deeper in scope and much more honest. They would be able to explain the way they think and the way they feel about themselves honestly. An American girl likely would not be able to do that out of fear of being judged. I may be stereotyping, but I think in general, this has been my experiences. Just keep asking why why why and you will definitely notice a difference in thought patterns. American women kind of suck in comparison…. It is a dictatorship of moral relativity and political identity movements where there are no absolutes, not even of gender. If you have likes and dislikes, especially if you are white and male, you are racist, homophobic, sexist, and all sorts of other undesirable things. Liberals preach tolerance, but practice intolerance. Any thoughts which do not agree with their politically correct view of the universe must be censored and repressed. American women have ALL the choices now, thanks to the feminist identity movement. It used to be that men were expected to make the first move, which was the only advantage we ever had. One could approach a woman one did not know but wished to meet with a smile and a friendly hello, and proceed to flirting if the woman was interested. But to do so now is seen as sexual harassment, or, worse, stalking. So now we go on-line where there are 10,000 men for every woman on most dating sites. I quit playing this game years ago. Fortunately for us western men there remains the foreign option, as Maverick continues to point out with his helpful and informative posts. But even that is problematic, as the long arm of the American government in its never-ending quest for money continues to hound American taxpayers wherever they might choose to live, even if they never set foot in the country again. But are they really friends? Are our friendships just as cheap and disposable as our romatic relationships? Its about the way our culture is damaging our general ability to form relationships with other people regardless of gende. And if so, then I am just as much to blame as anyone else. For example, no more flaking. If I get invited to something, I show. Also I listen more. This is a lot more than just letting other people talk. It means giving a shit about who other people are. PS In one post there are at least 3 people from Van. We should find a way to get together sometime. The whole of western society has moved to the Left, and that is how our culture has damaged our ability to form relationships with other people. Maverick has explained this many times in various posts. There is another blog which goes into much greater detail on this subject:. When I asked her to be my girlfriend. Within her heart is a cry for sex and even more importantly respect from a male hero. This means even the burly farm girls feel like refreshing, joyful personalities due to the feminine energy they shine. They know their role is to bear children with the help of a loyal man and admit they are scared, no terrified, of being disrespected and played by a non-loyal one. They actually care about the opinion of the man, rather than her friends. This is true feminine energy unclouded by social media one upmanship. American women are more like cold mannequins who only decide to become semi-human for men that are worthy according to a list made by Hollywood and friends. Even when they are objectively pretty on the exterior they close off their feminine energy, particularly when it comes to the child-bearing variety. As they delay the pretenses of child-bearing they become fascinated with and terrified of any inclination towards casual sex since, much to her chagrin, that becomes her main purpose in the eyes of men. Most American females ascribe to the script that their actual desire should be to acquire the attentions of the most popular males around her with as little sex as possible. This is the implied social script that girls in America adopt that lends to the extreme behaviors and weird contrasts of prudishness and promiscuity in the same girl. The girl is allowed to be promiscuous with certain guys so long as he looks good and has a good family background and is of the right race, all other males are trash to be given the prude treatment as needed. American girls see themselves as providers of sex and acquirers of status but only from casual sex offers from males who pass her looks threshold. All other males should be extinguished in this status driven psychopathy. Instead of thinking of their role as bearing children they believe their main role is gaining status, which obviously could go on forever. Because of this the American girl is careful never to give herself fully to any one person since a better man may be just around the corner. Russian women for instance have an eagle eye out for any hint that their man may be cheating on her. So they revere attractive men as gods and unattractive men as vermin. Narcissism was originally a male trait based on the knowledge of superiority its female form is vanity but when females adopt it they inhabit male characteristics of only focusing on looks and puffing themselves up at every turn. Call it the picky prostitute syndrome. Some females will even take their love of attractive men and hatred of unattractive men to extreme symbolic levels. These are the females who brag about using unattractive men for free restaurant meals while demonizing their physical attributes but also dramatize their guilt of sleeping with handsome males for free. It is a perverse form of self congratulation. The American princess uses social media to finally reflect on her deeds as if to mine the Internet for some recognition of accomplishment, as if her entire goal was to be a recognized as a gatekeeper of sex, a filter of class, and a model of genetic superiority. But a double take of her actions seen from a purely behavioral standpoint makes her no better than a pornstar paid in free meals. This is why American men find dating so stiff, unfriendly and punishing. Women deliberately put a chill on the conversation as they consider themselves, as casual sex providers, the most important quantity in the room and want to dictate terms from the start. So 100% of men are vying for just a few chicks in the bar. Those girls can see he attention they get. Also, women get a lot of their social and self esteem based needs met from social media. Is there any logical reason why an overweight 6 has 1000 followers on instagram?? I cant tell you how many times Im in a conversation with a girl ignoring me while shes uploading selfies. Five years ago I stopped dating white women. I realize now it was like dating a competitor. Sex was a gift for good behavior. And in 27 years, a white woman never told me I was handsome. Complements from a white woman were like reluctant, backhanded half insults. I dont need to be showered with praise, but when I dated a latina from Mexico for the first time, I felt like a real man. Now I live in San Diego and only approach latin or asian girls. Always a better experience. Looking forward to moving to Latin America within a couple years. About 15 years ago, when I was in my early thirties, I was living in Boulder CO, a city of mostly young financially successful people with lots of social life. There are more men there than women and the women are extremely picky. They want a hot guy who is rich and will bend over backwards for them. In addition to the shortage of women, quite a few of them were lesbians. Lesbians in Boulder dress, look and act like supermodels. They are sarcastic, condescending and rude when men approach them. Trying to date there made me miserable, so I just stopped. It is only for the thickest skinned men. There were about ten people there drinking beer and hanging out. The women were in the kitchen and the men were on the patio. I was feeling somewhat depressed that night about the dating situation for some reason. There was this one woman who seemed very noticeably different than the rest. She had facial expressions I had never seen before. She had an air of confidence that was so amazing to me. She was not a beautiful woman, but she seemed extremely sexy to me for some reason. There was some kind of genuine quality about her that seemed so natural and not superficial at all. It is perceived as non-masculine and weak. But I still wanted to know if any of them had noticed it too. So I just brought it up, thinking one of them might ridicule me for saying it. Americans are sexually repressed. This is the worst place in the world to date. Women here have no respect for men at all. If you want to meet a woman worth dating you need to get out of the US. You need to get out of this country. I met her in Brazil. There are women like that all over the world, quite a few in Brazil. I have not made any effort to date any white American women since then. They are a waste of time. While I lived in Boulder, I was a regular at a local pub where I knew most of the employees. There was this one girl there who was pretty strange. One night, two friends and I had just finished dinner and a few beers when all of a sudden it felt like I was moving. The room moved as if I had the spins or something. I realized it was my chair that was moving. That was the last day she ever worked there. Those are the kinds of women you meet in Boulder CO. I remember another interesting comment I overheard in Boulder one day as I was walking down the street. The first white culture in North America was Puritanism. It started about 400 years ago. Puritan culture still dominates modern American culture and it is probably the reason why people feel inhibited to discuss anything other than boring talk show topics. The kind of automatic flirting discussed in this article is forbidden in Puritan cultures. Puritans have deep conversations about mundane topics in order to obscure the fact that they are trying to flirt. The article also mentioned capitalism. When people are immersed in a society where everything has a dollar value and everything is a possession, do you think those attitudes affect the ways men and women think of each other? American personalities are tuned to work well in work places. The US is a culture of business, not a culture of romance. I praise you for telling your story. Listen to your friend. Save some money, plan a trip, and get on a plane flying overseas. I have done it three times. I have met amazing foreign women who are beautiful inside and out…hard to definitely find in United States. If anyone is interested in these two good international dating websites, here they are: Dream Connections and loveme. Forget about American women. They would only disappoint you just like they have done with me. I was born in a former Soviet Union and had opportunity to enjoy real freedom in life, choices, and sex. Men and women were equal in celebrating their unique nature and differences with complete understanding that we are complimentary to each other, not equal! Is it that hard to grasp? It comes naturally when priorities and heads are in a right place. That Berlin Wall was precisely for this: to prevent epidemic of degradation and self-destruction coming from the West. I am well aware that for Americans such statements sounds less little of absurd since they have been brain washed for decades believe in an evil state of soviets and free democratic USA, LOL. Dating and human relationships in general are basic reflectors of self-actualization on a spiritual level. I totally agree, there is no cell reception here: zone of the dead. As the author correctly mentioned, there is no way out of it without complete change of mentality. As this is NOT GONNA HAPPEN, continue indulge in completely meaningless, but very spiritually harmful sexual practices. Oh, never mind, you have got new match on Tinder! Could there be a social class distinction as well? Maverick, you and Roosh have a very good understanding of American culture but an idealized understanding of foreign cultures, because by going to foreign cultures you are a hot commodity there and the women react differently to you than to what you they would if you guys would be locals, you get a status bump.
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